Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Infallible Girl Don't Live Here

When I was still teaching in a high school classroom, on the first day of school, I always used to tell my students that I am NOT one of those teachers who pretends to know everything. There are words I STILL can't remember how to spell, grammar rules I need to research when I write, and no matter how many times I proofread, I inevitably find mistakes every time I reread my work.

I am the first to admit that, when it comes to writing, I am far from flawless. Some of my most troublesome personality traits, impulsiveness and impatience, wiggle their eyebrows and tap their fingers whenever I try to create.
cartoon courtesy of Savage Chickens 
Too often, I find myself battling an obnoxious complex about wasting time. Raised in New Jersey, I frequented New York City in my younger years. If you want to get anything accomplished in the tri-state area, you've got to get a move on. Try to leisurely saunter across 5th Avenue and you're gonna get plowed by 30 aggressive New Yorkers trying to push their way into the closest Starbucks, or flattened by a cab driver who must be driving with his knees (since both hands are flailing at YOU in disgust). Wanna know why New Yorkers seem so unapproachable and grouchy? It's because you're taking too long!

As soon as I moved to the country, I began to realize that I needed to chill out. When walking with a group of people, I'd notice myself turning around to talk to my friends, who were always several steps behind. It wasn't that they needed to walk faster; I just needed to s.l.o.w. d.o.w.n. and stop rushing to get everything done in record time. Instead of stopping to smell the roses, I was planning out the bloom for next season.

Oh! What a lovely bud. Hmmm. Better get started on pruning right away.
So I'm working on it. I'm working on LOTS of things these days- trying to recognize my strengths and weaknesses and striving to take the reigns on bad habits. Without a doubt, I am imperfect. There are dust bunnies (Who am I kidding? They're dog hair tumbleweeds!) in every room of my house. I am definitely going to nag a loved one if they're not wearing sunscreen. I ask too many questions, worry like crazy and hate to lose control, but...
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I refuse to turn into a stubborn old fuddy duddy who throws her hands up in the air. I will not resign myself to a life that is always comfortable and predictable. In my heart, I am strongly convinced that people can never truly grow without making themselves vulnerable, a little uncomfortable (maybe a lot) and most importantly, OPEN to change. If there is one thing I am sure of in this life, it's that things are gonna change with every passing day.

What's the point of all this blathering? If you've read anything I have written, this is my open acknowledgement of fallibility. I'm okay with being imperfect- with misspelling words, not being able to juggle and having to say I'm sorry. But I want to be conscious of my mistakes so that I can make the effort to make them right. It's so important for me to be able to show my daughters that I am willing to work on my flaws. It's important for me to show MYSELF that I can do it.

So feel free to tell me if I've left something out. Give a shout if you know a better way. Don't hesitate to correct my errors. I want to learn something new every day, and I will not scoff or roll my eyes at constructive criticism. Bring it on.
I am not a morning person, but this sunrise is Kauai was a lesson to make myself a bit uncomfortable (YAWWWWWN!) to experience great rewards.   
Every word that I write, every little bit of my spilling brain, helps me grow and mature. I'm opening my arms to the process and s  t  r  e  t  c  h  i  n  g  myself out to expand. I'll let you know when I finally master that juggling...

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